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Ways to know he is not right for you.

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I know it’s hard dating out there. We date an endless pool of men and it feels like we will never meet “the one”. It’s tough!

Sometimes we meet who we think is Mr. Right. As women, we tend to crush so hard that we don’t always see when he or (she) isn’t right for us. Ignoring these signs can be detrimental in your search for the right person.  Below are my tips on how to avoid men who aren’t a good fit for you – or like my friend Katrina says: “time burglars.”

1. Does he reach out to you? Not just responding to your text on occasion, but does he genuinely reach out to you just to see how you are doing? This shows concern. If he is constantly saying he is too busy for you, that is a signal that you aren’t the one he’s looking for. Move on.

2. When you speak to this guy, does he ask you about your interests? Does he seem interested in your life? This is huge, because this means he’s interested in learning about you. A man who talks about himself without asking important questions about you, is only interested in his himself. He may be a narcissist or worse – a sociopath. Run.

3. Does he remember the things you tell him? We’re not only speaking of your birthday (although that is super important) but simple things, like what color you like, or your favorite flower, or TV show? The little things are important.

4. Did you have a rough time recently? Was he there for you or was it a struggle to get him to help? Or did he disappear altogether? Pay attention! If he is scarce when you need him, let him stay that way. No one needs fairweather man or friend for that matter.

5. Does he support you? Does he build you up? Or does he criticize you at every turn? If you don’t feel good about this man and how he treats you, listen to your intuition. You are no one’s emotional (or physical) punching bag. Usually physical abuse stems from emotional abuse. If this guy is making you feel bad and/or disrespecting you or your time, he is testing your boundaries. He wants to see how far he can go. Do yourself a favor, leave.

6. What about your core values? Do you want kids and he doesn’t? Does he want live in the city forever and you have suburbian dreams? Do you agree on religion? These are things that can end up killing your relationship in the long run. If you cannot agree on these things, he may not be right for you.

7. Is he emotionally available to you?  Ladies, you don’t want a man who is emotionally unavailable. Trust me, I have been there and bought the ugly tee-shirt. I wear that tee-shirt to bed. This man will not open up to you. He shows you only what he wants you to see. You’re always trying to learn about this man and he keeps curbing you when you get too close.  That means he is emotionally unavailable -at least he is to you.  LET. HIM. GO.

8. Can you stand to have a real conversation with him or does everything just lead to sex? Is this someone who you can share your innermost thoughts and dreams with? If not, then you may want to reconsider your relationship with this person. They need to be your friend first.

9. Does he use you? Does he only show up when he wants to get laid or wants to get paid? If so, show that playa to the door!

10. Finally, does your gut or your loved ones (for some of you who ignore your gut) tell you that this dude is not right? My momma always said “love is blind but the neighbors ain’t!” Family and friends can see issues with a relationship often before you can. Take what they have to say into account.

Side note: I used to have nightmares about my ex. I knew deep down he was cheating but did not want to face it. He lied almost about everything. My subconscious kept telling me he was off and it was correct. When I broke up with him, I stopped having nightmares about our relationship. Listen to your gut. If you think something is wrong, it most likely is.

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Categories: Single and Dating

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